Stoopid Stuff

It's Only a Game

Balco! Steroids! The end of Baseball and the decline of western civilization!! Jeez, talk about a tempest in a syringe. A couple of things.

First, guys, it's BASEBALL. Not life and death, not war or peace, not even municipal politics. Baseball. A game. Popular sure, but a game. Why is it popular? It's ENTERTAINMENT. It doesn't change lives, it doesn't change the world, but it gives us something pleasurable to do, like theater or garage sales. And I think I speak for most when I say I enjoy baseball, and I enjoy it more with Bonds, Sheffield, Giambi and the like hitting the ball very hard and very far. Now listen very carefully. I DON'T CARE IF THEY TAKE DRUGS. Clear and simple enough? What difference does it make--it's entertainment. Does it make the pennant race any less exciting? Does it change the gritty courage of a junkball pitcher facing the heart of the opposing lineup in the seventh with a one run lead? We like to talk about the players and their stats, but the real joy of baseball is the game, and the bigger game, the season. Baseball is exciting, and special in the world of sports, due in a large part to the 162 game regular season. It's a grueling marathon, a great leveler of playing fields, the greatest equalizer in the history of sport. It's why Anaheim, or Florida, can win it all. It's why no matter how much money Steinbrenner throws at making a winning team, he can lose year after year. It's why players taking drugs don't matter--they still need skills and reflexes and health and luck.

Which brings us to the whole Barry Bonds issue. There are many pundits calling into question whether Bonds should be recognized as a great player in light of the possibility that he used steroids or other performance enhancing drugs. Well, let me ask one question. Apparently, many players have taken steroids. Hundereds, perhaps thousands. So if steroids are the source of Bonds' greatness, why aren't all these other players as great as Bonds? If you say he started out with more skills than they did, then he is a great player. If it's as easy as taking some drugs, why don't more players have 700 home runs? 500 stolen bases? More intentional walks than other TEAMS? The argument that Bonds' greatness must be attributed to steroids will only hold water if he's the ONLY guy in the game taking them. And we're pretty certain at this point that's not the case.

You want my perscription for solving the steroids "problem" in major league baseball? Easy. Make steroid use MANDATORY at the major league level. When a player gets called up from the minors, the last thing he must do before joining the team is take a drug test. He MUST test positive for steroids or he will not be allowed to join the team. You see the elegance of this solution? The field is level, for if all are using performance enhancing drugs, no one will have an advantage over anyone else. And the quality of the game will improve, as pitchers begin to throw in the low 120s and hitters routinely average .375. Plus, to offset the millions that players are paid, there is the additional consideration of a significantly shortened life expectancy. The players dillema: Take the millions and perhaps die by fifty, or get out and become an insurance adjuster. Problem Solved. Next?

posted by mikey @ 1:24 PM